Singleness: Enemy Of Progress Or Just Another Pre-requisite For Growth

If you are single, then you may have had this thought more than once. Truth is, not many of us want to be single for the remainder of our lives and the wait is a painful process.

On the bright side, singleness ain’t so bad! Singleness is the time to focus on you. Let’s be honest, a few of us have got some work to do and when God’s dealing with all those tough stains and deep-seated thorns that have left you in a bloody mess, it’s not going to look pretty!

So at least it’s just you and the big boss and less embarrassing stories to tell your grandchild ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

Take singleness as the opportunity to learn about what it means to be a partner. So many of us complain about finding the one that we haven’t even checked the mirror to see if we are ‘the one’ ourselves.

I did not grow up with examples of positive relationships and so for most of my life relationships coincided with the phrases toxic, short-lived, and why bother.

But as I am learning of God’s love, he is transforming my mind, and let’s not forget Romans 8:28…

The fact is, there is hope. But I can definitely tell you that as much as I would like to progress in this new season of matching outfits, drama, vulnerability, couple goals, etc. amongst the other aspects that come with a relationship, I realise I still needed several therapy sessions with myself.

Let me share an example.

So there was this guy…
Whom I consider a friend but I am going, to be honest, I was once was attracted to him. Don’t judge me lol.

Long story short, our relationship became one of a budding friendship, which I was thankful for. Skip forward a 1 year later, we met up as you do, but I was surprised he made a move.

Rest assured, the Holy Spirit was strong in me and it was nothing that escalated but I was devastated and not for the right reason.

For some reason, I had placed myself in the ‘I am working on me so I am not attractive at the moment’ category and so I was quite puzzled that my attractive friend could be remotely interested in me. I simply could not comprehend it and even questioned him on it.

This is quite ironic as I recently told my close friends, I was looking forward to dating again.

What this experience taught me was, someone could come along but was I even ready to be loved? Do I even know how to be loved? How could I learn to recognise it from others if I didn’t show it to myself? And what better time than when I am single to make a start on answering these questions.

My point is, singleness is your time of selflessness or selfishness. Learn to love yourself. Pamper yourself, go on dates with the ‘me, myself and I’, take some time to just meditate on your present self and set your goals.

Whilst there will be opportunities to do this when you are no longer single, lay the foundation from now.

Now my experience only goes so far and I am single and I will admit it does get lonely sometimes and if someone asks me 1 more time why I am single…

But I wouldn’t trade the self-discovery, the walks with God, learning just how amazing I am, and living in the revelation of His love.

Now that may sound vague or like a cliche, but that’s the only way I know to express it.

Plus, you can binge-watch and no one will interrupt or stop you.

Scenario. You are watching your favourite tv show (mine is probably crime-related or in another language). You have not watched the latest episodes so that you can watch them all in 1 go. 4 episodes in with your 2nd bowl of popcorn (sweet and salty because there’s no other) your phone rings. You look and its bae. You ain’t got no choice but to pick up because love is not selfish. BUT if you were single, that phone wouldn’t be ringing 😌