The Heart of Pain

Growing up, I wish that I learned more important things from the teachers in my life. Such as dealing with negative thoughts, forgiving those who neglected, rejected, or bullied me, self-worth, a deeper understanding of sex and what it all meant, understanding of vulnerability, and learning to walk even when each step hurt a little. But most of all, learning that my healing came from within, that my worth was not defined by others or things, and that I was either with me or against me. Rather than avoidance or words said carelessly that only floated across the surface, I would have benefited from real and meaningful conversations about life.

You may feel that the world failed you and perhaps it has. You may have been hurt by someone close to you, family, partner, friend, colleague, or even a stranger. The weapon may have a different resemblance for some of you, mocked laughter, violation, exploitation, abuse, snide comments, distance, rejection, or self-inflicted. It tied and trapped you in a bubble of hurt but the world continues as if you were never hurt.

It sucks. You may have asked “why life can’t give me a break? I need time to feel this hurt and come to understand what I am feeling.”

Did you know pain can become addictive? It becomes a place of comfort because you have been there and so its familiarity provides a sense of security.

When you are hurt, you are vulnerable and raw. In this state, you are more susceptible to more hurt, which is annoying because you are trying to deal with the hurt you are already feeling.

So, I am going to tell you something that may sound harsh but is not.

Deal with it!

And what I mean is that you should not run from it and pretend it does not hurt or that the pain does not exist. No! Face it. Because it will either destroy you or make you better.

So how do you do this? What does ‘face the pain’ even look like?

Cry, talk about it, and let it push you forward, just do not leave it unsettled.

Find a positive outlet.

Come to terms with what happened to you or what you are experiencing.

Is there a timeline for healing? I do not think so, but the reality is, life will not stop, so you need to decide that you will not stay down forever. This does not mean forgetting the journey but being self-aware that this is just a rest stop before you carry on.

‘Big girls don’t cry. Man up! You’ll get over it’ – feeble attempts of encouragement but only a reminder of your hurt. Still, recognise them for what they are – Encouragement. And if this is not the type you are after, start feeding it to yourself!

Ultimately, the decisions you make are your own and you can learn to crawl again, breathe again, and move forward.

I have been guilty of living like a victim. Whilst I have endured things in life, I was not the only one, but I lived as if life owed me for all the pain I felt. Wrapping myself in a blanket of fear, I used my hurt as an excuse to not be brave and live with hope and expectancy of great things.

But I am waking up and seeking help and trusting God in all things.