And like some, I thought I had to rid myself of any baggage before I could declare my life a success. Truth be told, I was seeking am image of perfection I conjured in my mind.

Interestingly, the word of God openly speaks about trials and hardships as if they were a common cold.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” Corinthians 4: 8-9

Sounds like a wrestling match to me. But we are also asked to accept this with joy.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds” James 1:2

Did anyone else notice the part where he said whenever and not if? It is a scary revelation that struggles would not disappear from my life and that the weight of it all would remain. Initially I thought coming to God meant that my struggles would fade. God now has me covered, so there was nothing to fear? However, I did not truly understand what this meant, so when I was still hurting, I felt betrayed by God. I thought that I was too flawed for him to love me and that is why I was still in a dark place.

I now realised that, becoming a Christian did not mean my struggles ended and that I was healed of all things. Healing was a process and my struggles were helping to mould me into a woman above perfection; into a woman of God. No one said transformation was easy or quick. There are stages that I must go through to see the results.

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

Frederick Douglass

I liken myself to a seed, with life being the dirt covering my wonderful self and leaving me in a dark place. BUT! At the core of all things buried is the seed which is PLANTED (this was not a mistake) and thus buried as a prerequisite for growth! There is growth taking place in that hidden space.

The epiphany!

I am now convinced that living as a buried seed was so much more than getting rid of the things that consumed me but learning to harness and utilise my struggles so that I can fulfil my innate desire to grow and be transformed.

And so the journey began of A Buried Seed. Buried with a purpose. Not always willingly or even bravely but still moving and facing the beauty and harshness of life and learning to be transformed in spite of adversity.

God planted me with purpose and is using the dark places to transform me.

So I share snippets of my story with you and I hope that it encourages you to experience a new appreciation of yourself, to realise that your struggles are not the dead-end you thought it to be, to acknowledge you are not alone in your struggles, and to love yourself in spite of whatever muck may exist in your life at present. And above all, to see that God is working even when we cannot see the end of the road.

I struggled with anxiety. Sometimes I thought of suicide. Depression was and sometimes still is a guest at the table. I had an addiction to porn. But this is not the end of my story and thank God that He is the author of my story. I believe that God is still working in me and as I draw near to Him, He draws nearer to me and my life has been transformed.

I strongly believe that I was designed with a purpose. Always and still meant for more. And I know it is my tagline, but so are you!